Before I Leave

So, I just got done reading Miss NY, Leigh-Taylor's, latest blog update, as well as having been keeping up with all of my other fellow contestants I'll be having the pleasure of spending the week with, and I thought I should dump out everything in my head onto my blog before I depart for Albany. Of all things, I've learned that blogging can be very cathartic.

The past couple weeks, particularly last week, have been very stressful. My work schedule was bumped up to practically full-time at work for a wretched conference, the gym has left me tattered and torn, and I'm sure my boyfriend is ready to pull his left arm out and beat himself over the head with it.... and that doesn't even begin to describe how I'M feeling right now!! I've been in NYC with him since Friday, the point of which was to be able to relax and unwind before the big week. I did everything I needed to do (or so I thought...) before we left, so I could really just kick back and have some good times with him and his family... SO not the case.

In addition to having woman issues this week, I've been incredibly irritable... and that will happen when you wake up between the hours of 4am and 6am every single day for a week straight! I am one of those people that throws myself 150% into everything that I do, and sometimes that means waking up in the middle of the night to ask myself interview questions, or rehearse my talent in my head, or go over in which order I will hit my stances during swimsuit (pretty foot before or after T-stance??) It's been really tough to drag myself out of bed on just a few hours of sleep for a week now, but I just can't help it! I'm thinking I might have to resort to Nyquil soon :/

One of the things that has been weighing down on me is nothing that I have any control over; the audience. When I won Miss Finger Lakes, I BURST into tears. Partly because I was so happy that I won; partly because that I was so shocked that I won; and mostly because I won, for the first time, and nobody was there in the audience for me. I should be used to this by now, but I think that the accomplishments are worse than the failures when you have no one to share the excitement with. I know that my boyfriend will not be attending this weekend's pageant festivities, because he simply does not have the money. I'm not like most of my fellow contestants, who have moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles that are there to offer support and help throughout the process, and who will be there in that audience. I know that I am where I am because I got myself here, and that's something to be proud of, but in the midst of PMS it's hard to appreciate that when all I want is people that love me to be in the audience for me. Am I complaining? Yes, I think so, I'm done now.

So, I think I'm going to go and try to take a nap... just kidding, I'm going to go do my economics homework (which will probably put me to sleep anyway). Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, blogspot.com, and I will see you after the pageant!!