So, this post carries with it a very heavy message, one that I hope you will take very seriously. As I mentioned in my first post today, this blog serves as not only a place fo rme to blog about my experiences as Miss Finger Lakes, but also to clear my head and unload. Well, I feel as if I have been on a very tumultuous emotional trip... time to empty the luggage.
Last weekend, I received a very scare text message: my best friend was considering ending her life. This is not the first time this has happened this year, or even since I have known her (8 and a half years). It was triggered (as it was this past summer) by her boyfriend breaking up with her. I know, however, that there is so much more that she has been dealing with since before we had even met. What kills me the most is that I know, at this point, there is nothing I can do to give her the help that she really needs to stop hurting so badly that something like a break-up would make her want to take her life. I know that when things like this happen in a person's life, it is up to them to want to seek help; friends can only be there for them along the way.
What I have been dealing with mentally and emotionally since this past weekend has been incredibly painful. I wish that I could just be there for her, and I wish that she would love herself enough to recognize that things just aren't right and that it is not enough to expect her friends to come running to her everytime she wants to die. I understand being there for a friend when they need you, but after so long of watching my friend make self-destructive situations and then berate me for "not being a good enough friend." It tore me apart to listen to her tell me that I'm not a good friend and I don't care about her, because if I did, I wouldn't be judging her, telling her shes needs help, and I would just be hugging her and letting her cry and loving her for who she is. The thing is, I love her so much as a sister to me. I cannot sit back and let her tell me what kind of friend I should be. I think that a real friend would be able to see a situation the way that a person who is in her position just can't, and try to guide them in the right direction. A real friend will recognize their own limitations in such a serious situation, and not try to be the "hero" or the "life saver." I want my friend to have the most wonderful in the world, but I cannot make that happen for her, only she can.
This situation has inspired me to re-structure my platform a bit. Don't worry, y'all, I will still be an advocate for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault; that part of me will never change, and that passion for fighting will never die. I think that there are a lot of other young women who are suffering from a number of problems, and they deserve an advocate, too. That is why I am changing my platform to "Strong Minds and Hearts Make Strong Women," which will promote mental and emotional well-being in order to become the best and the strongest we can be. Those who know me, or who have read my blog, know that I have been through an awful lot, and I'm not the only one. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am today, but having a really strong mind helped me to develop a strong heart, and I could not be a happier person despite the adversity. We will all go through out trials and tribulations, but being strong of mind and heart will see us through them.
But they will not get our biology homework done. Which is due in less than an hour. I must end here, but please take my words seriously and send a quick prayer to my friend so that she may feel empowered to seek the help that she needs. Thank you so much.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Coming out of hiding
So, it's been exactly two months since my last post... which is shameful, to be frank. I committed to this blog knowing that I should be updating it regularly, be it for the sake of my (2) readers or just to unload the nonsense in my head so it doens't get too heavy and detach itself completely from my neck and jsut roll to the floor. I'm almost at the point; my head has packed its bags and is on its way out. This is my attempt to get it screwed back on tightly, and to be a responsible blog-writer. I have some very important things to write about, so bear with me!
Last month I had the pleasure of being a part of the Homecoming Parade, as well as the pretigous Orange Circle Awards ceremony. The Orange Circle Awards were given to several members of the SU community for their outstanding achievements in and unwavering dedication to community service in and around Syracuse University. I was escorting my award recipient, Marilyn Tickner, as a "beneficiary" of her hard work. Marilyn worked tirelessly for the Syracuse Responds initiative, where volunteers spend countless hours cold-calling alumni and other possible donors in order to raise money to give out to students as a supplement to their financial aid packages. My financial aid advisor passed my name along to the people organizing this program, and I suddenly became the poster child for SU Responds. The funny thing is, I didn't receive any financial aid from it-- I wasn't even eligible! I honestly did not mind, as I receive more than enough financial aid. What mattered to me is that my story and experiences were enough to compel the alumni to donate money to this wonderful program. My boyfriend did receive something from SU Responds, though! Anyway, I was thrilled to have the chance to take part in this award ceremony and meet one of the volunteers who dedicated their time to raising money for the students here. I even got to walk the stage in my crown and sash! I didn't have much of a choice, as I was expected on the alumni float immediately after the ceremony for the homecoming parade. Meeting Marilyn was a pleasure and an honor, and I look forward to hopefully participating in more fundraising efforts for the students here.
Beauty queens live for two things: pageants and parades (well, 4 if you're in the MAO system; the third would be scholarship and the fourth would be community service!). The Homecoming parade was supposed to be exciting, with hundreds of SU football fans lining the streets in support of the home team. The trusty central New York weather, however, had other plans. It was downpouring during the parade, but luckily I was bundled up on a tented float. Unfortunately, that tent sort of masked my crown from the few on-lookers that we had, so most people that I was waving at didn't even realize who I was or why I was there! There was one frat house that figured me out; they started shouting some pretty.... morally questionable things. I didn't let it bother me, though, because I was having a great time chatting with the alumni on the float and hearing their stories about their days at SU. One of them, a particularly drunk but well-meaning man, started asking everyone for $20 so that I could compete against next year. It was very awkward, but I just laughed it off with everyone until he finally gave up and resorted to cheering and waving. I look forward to next year's parade; hopefully, I will be a titleholder once more and the sun will shine on us! Speaking of the sun, it sure was shining brightly the next day for the football game, which was played INSIDE the Carrier Dome. I guess the sun, like me on most weekends, decided to take it time getting out of bed that weekend.
Thank you for your patience I took a million years to updating. I have one more post coming, but I wanted to split them up into two posts because the next one is VERY important. Also, in the first week of December, I will be participating in a radiothon at the Golisano Children's Hospital (the CMN hospital of Syracuse) to raise money for kids with cancer! I am very excited about this, and I promise I will blog about it in a relatively speedy fashion :)
Last month I had the pleasure of being a part of the Homecoming Parade, as well as the pretigous Orange Circle Awards ceremony. The Orange Circle Awards were given to several members of the SU community for their outstanding achievements in and unwavering dedication to community service in and around Syracuse University. I was escorting my award recipient, Marilyn Tickner, as a "beneficiary" of her hard work. Marilyn worked tirelessly for the Syracuse Responds initiative, where volunteers spend countless hours cold-calling alumni and other possible donors in order to raise money to give out to students as a supplement to their financial aid packages. My financial aid advisor passed my name along to the people organizing this program, and I suddenly became the poster child for SU Responds. The funny thing is, I didn't receive any financial aid from it-- I wasn't even eligible! I honestly did not mind, as I receive more than enough financial aid. What mattered to me is that my story and experiences were enough to compel the alumni to donate money to this wonderful program. My boyfriend did receive something from SU Responds, though! Anyway, I was thrilled to have the chance to take part in this award ceremony and meet one of the volunteers who dedicated their time to raising money for the students here. I even got to walk the stage in my crown and sash! I didn't have much of a choice, as I was expected on the alumni float immediately after the ceremony for the homecoming parade. Meeting Marilyn was a pleasure and an honor, and I look forward to hopefully participating in more fundraising efforts for the students here.
Beauty queens live for two things: pageants and parades (well, 4 if you're in the MAO system; the third would be scholarship and the fourth would be community service!). The Homecoming parade was supposed to be exciting, with hundreds of SU football fans lining the streets in support of the home team. The trusty central New York weather, however, had other plans. It was downpouring during the parade, but luckily I was bundled up on a tented float. Unfortunately, that tent sort of masked my crown from the few on-lookers that we had, so most people that I was waving at didn't even realize who I was or why I was there! There was one frat house that figured me out; they started shouting some pretty.... morally questionable things. I didn't let it bother me, though, because I was having a great time chatting with the alumni on the float and hearing their stories about their days at SU. One of them, a particularly drunk but well-meaning man, started asking everyone for $20 so that I could compete against next year. It was very awkward, but I just laughed it off with everyone until he finally gave up and resorted to cheering and waving. I look forward to next year's parade; hopefully, I will be a titleholder once more and the sun will shine on us! Speaking of the sun, it sure was shining brightly the next day for the football game, which was played INSIDE the Carrier Dome. I guess the sun, like me on most weekends, decided to take it time getting out of bed that weekend.
Thank you for your patience I took a million years to updating. I have one more post coming, but I wanted to split them up into two posts because the next one is VERY important. Also, in the first week of December, I will be participating in a radiothon at the Golisano Children's Hospital (the CMN hospital of Syracuse) to raise money for kids with cancer! I am very excited about this, and I promise I will blog about it in a relatively speedy fashion :)
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